what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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