who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
