just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't turn off my feet"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
