I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
