hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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