I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We had sex on a dog bed..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
