you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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