I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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