If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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