Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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