I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
