Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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