Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize