i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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