he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
