so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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