Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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