worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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