look no pants
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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