new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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