Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
