yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You need Xanax blowdarts
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
