there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
tell me about the fingering
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