I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
