Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize