he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
