not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize