We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
