I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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