I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
