Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
