I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
