i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
