sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
