Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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