I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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