im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
