I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
