the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
