so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
