Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
