some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
why is half of my head shaved?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
