Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
