Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
