I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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