I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Success! We fucked roommates!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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