just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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