he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize