Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
