I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
