Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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