Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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