Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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