i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
