Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
