oh god the rape fog is back!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
