oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
