my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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