I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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