C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
