Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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