I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
