I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
