So drunk its hurt
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
