That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
