have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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