i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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