just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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