put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
