You were right. It hurts to walk today.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize