You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You're like the curious george of whores
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
